I was still stuck.
I was throwing virtual darts at anything that would ease my heart’s nagging feeling of incompleteness. I work in a business that asks for surrender so that my creativity might have a chance to shine through. Still, with so much tender vulnerability peeling away the layers of physical, emotional, and spiritual disorder, all I knew how to do was work harder. This did not work.
It made me weary to the bone and sad, so sad. I knew that something had to come of this learning, but all I could feel was tiredness, a grief that hurt in my belly, heart, and legs. Every move was like trudging through gripping sand.
And then the pretending, the keeping up of appearances, the message that has repeatedly harmed me, “Don’t let anybody see this part of you, Sarah, they will do what you fear most, they will leave you.”
As I felt into my life during this time, I realized that there was a sliver of something different happening. As upside-down as life was playing out, I knew it. I wasn’t in a storm getting tossed around; I was watching the storm through a window of safety, witnessing it all.
During this time, I came across Tracee Stanley’s work through her first book, Radiant Rest. As a long-time yoga teacher, I am familiar with yoga nidra and its profound healing qualities. But now, it was different. Instead of learning this practice to teach it, I was learning it to survive this desperate time. Little did I know, this practice would not just help me survive, but it would transform my life.
As accomplished as my many yoga certifications might have made me feel on the outside, this yoga practice would weave its way into me and become part of me in a way that only I would ever know. I was about to begin an adventure of personal growth and empowerment.
My experience with yoga nidra began with a simple act of lying down daily. In my writing studio on Cape Cod, I would arrange pillows and bolsters around my tired body, creating what Tracee Stanley calls a ‘rest nest. ‘ This ritual became a soothing balm for my heart, a daily reminder that I was moving towards healing, one small step at a time.
Yoga nidra, also known as yoga sleep or conscious sleep, is a practice of deep relaxation in which the mind stays alert. At the same time, the body rests fully, allowing for profound levels of healing and restoration. In those quiet moments, I discovered that surrender was not about giving up or giving in. Instead, it was about allowing myself the space to feel, rest, and witness my inner journey with compassion.
Day by day, the yoga nidra sessions peeled away the layers of tension and despair,
The practice became a sanctuary where I could lay down my burdens and find solace in simply being.
As I allowed the practice of yoga nidra to weave its magic, the feelings of incompleteness and weariness gradually dissolved. The sense of emptiness that had plagued me was replaced by a deep fulfillment and a renewed sense of purpose.
What was once a struggle had become an adventure in self-discovery, a testament to the power of surrender and the beauty of embracing our authentic selves.
And so, in the sanctuary of rest, I found a home within myself where my vulnerabilities and strengths could coexist harmoniously. It is here that my creativity flourishes, and it is here that I continue to evolve with an open heart and an unwavering spirit.
