Some of the kindest people I know use harsh, cruel language about themselves both in public and in their inner dialogues. This is called negative self-talk. The very same people wouldn’t think of describing another person this way.  

Speaking negatively about yourself sends a message to the world that you are not worthy of love, respect, and compassion. When you identify with yourself as unsuccessful and disrespect your own path, it makes sense that others would do the same.

In holding a place of love and respect for yourself, you bring clarity to conversations, interactions, and goals. You get super realistic about what you can do and what you don’t choose to do, not in a self-deprecating way but in a realistic way. And when you get clear with your personal opportunities, you become astute at teaching others about who you are.

Self-care is a valuable tool in this process, as it helps you understand your energetic bandwidth. Why is this important? Because when you know how to gauge and honor your personal energy, life feels better overall.

On your path of self-care, cradle yourself in kindness and respect. Create rituals, habits, and behaviors that nurture the love of self.

Practice: Self Kindness

Pay attention to your words and understand the power they yield, not only on others but on yourself.

We all have habits that we have practiced for our whole lives. Some of them are healthy, conscious habits and others still keep us locked into a dialogue of negative self-talk, which activates destructive behaviors and discouraging outcomes.  

Miguel Ruiz’s book The Four Agreements opened my awareness to negative self-talk and became the trajectory for self-healing in my life. It is my prayer that it can support you in this way too.

In The Four Agreements, Ruiz proposes four essential agreements to guide your personal behavior. His ideas are potent yet easy to digest. In this practice, relate to your voice as your most powerful tool and understand that everything you say has an impact on your life, personally and exponentially. Your voice can be used to harm or to heal. How will you use your voice?

The Four Agreements:

  1. Be Impeccable with Your Word

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

  1. Don’t Take Anything Personally

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

  1. Don’t Make Assumptions

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama.  With just this one agreement you can completely transform your life.

  1. Always Do Your Best

Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstances, simply do your best and you will avoid self- judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

Today, practice saying only positive things to yourself and others. This might not be easy! When you open your mouth to share negative words, stop and ask yourself why. Use kind words instead, or stay quiet. Watch people as you speak kindly to them and notice their body language. See how grateful they are, and then notice how this practice feels for you.

It all starts here . . . you are deserving of love.