Bad communication was at the heart of many of the problems in my past. I have always had the ability to communicate loudly, but I haven’t always had the competency to speak clearly and powerfully.
Before I started my self care and meditation practices, my voice was reactive. I was not connected to what would help me heal the situation; rather, I expressed the overreacting, disempowered feelings that had been triggered in a moment of fear or anger. I didn’t give those around me enough information to allow them to help me, but in my state of pain it felt like they were choosing not to help me or understand me.
As I grew up and discovered self care, I came to realize that it is my own personal responsibility to help others understand what I need in life. That holds true for everyone. This requires that we understand this ourselves, especially knowing the conditions necessary to feel safe. Power and clarity come from being intimately connected to yourself and to your surroundings. When you feel this sense of calm, you are in relationship with what makes you feel strong, respected, and loved.
It’s also just as important to know what doesn’t feed your self-confidence in this way. When you are this clear about what you can and cannot do in a loving voice, you have the strength and courage to communicate your needs to those around you. For many, putting up boundaries may feel selfish, but this is actually a loving act. You feel safer, and the people around you have clear expectations. Everyone can be calmer in the situation.
Self care allowed me to understand my comfort zone, boundaries, and self expression because it gave me space for reflection. I stopped operating in emergency mode, overreacting to every situation, and instead I had the space to notice myself: my schedule, my habits, my interactions with loved ones, my health. What made a good day feel good? What turned a good day into a bad one? What triggered my overreactions or feelings of danger? Through meditation, yoga, massage, and other self care practices like healthy sleep and a balanced diet, I was able to find more safety and enjoyment in daily life, and therefore more control.
It’s occurred to me that more I know myself, the better I can help others know me too.